It has been 109 days since contact with Kashif. My world has changed so much in just 3 and 1/2 months, what I thought was not even possible. Today as i was walking alone in CWE I realized life has not stopped moving around me. This is the first day I have truly understood the meaning of hope. I have realized that I need to move forward with my life. Embrace the beauty around me and let go of the pain and hurt.

old movies and songs

jiye to jiye kaisabin aapke here I am back where I started alone and sad

moving on

I wrote a good bye email to him today to get things of my chest and clear the air. I hope it helps.

today after 64 days i saw him at the masjid it was like being shot by a painful poisonous dart and then I ran away and hid behind a tree there is obviously something really wrong with that.

tinka tinka zara zara

looking to the future

wow today as I was going through my facebook I realized how fast life moves on people you loved at once you couldn't live without them but now they aren't even a part of your life. Life goes on no one is irreplaceable at one time or another in your life you will realize you havent thought about that someone for months maybe years.

my heart yearns to hate you, I wish I could rip your every memory out of my soul but I don't for the fear that nothing would be left. You have crushed me as a person, your happiness only brings me sadness. Your face only brings me tears. How can you smile and laugh while I suffer in pain, was all your words lies, I would not be surprised. So easily you manipulated the world around you to gain benefit not once did you think I have a heart or that I am a living breathing individual. I loved you with all my heart, giving you my whole heart and soul keeping nothing for myself. What did I get in return, my heart in a bag broken into a million pieces. Why me what did I ever do to anyone, I never hurt anyone's feelings, I never gossiped, I never talked trash about someone, I always tried to be just and fair. Maybe somewhere in the past I have been unfaithful and now destiny is being unfaithful with me. In the past 4 years I may have cried for 2 whole years everyday from all the pain and suffering you put me through but in the end here I am again weeping when I see your picture hoping that I will catch a glimpse of you on the highway. I destroyed myself so U could created the girl of your dreams in my empty and tattered body. In the end I lost myself, u and everything I took pride in for 18 years before I met you.