forever waiting...

There are times where I wait for hour after hour for him just to come online so I can stare at his name I open the chat box click on his name write hi but I can never muster up the courage to send it. I don't understand if its my ego that prevents me. Hopefully once his parents come he will be so distracted that he never comes online and slowly he will fade from my heart I wish it was that easy but its not. I want to go far far away from here. to a place where there is no heartbreak. I always read the work that you do is only counted by your niat what is my niat. Am i doing this to become a better person, discover myself, and become a better muslim. Or am I only doing it because I think i can do better.