I havent been to classes in 2 weeks today is my first day back I am scared. We got back together I am not sure how I feel about it but we did I dont know what to think about us yet I am scared of getting hurt mama says that its all upto me now she has backed down and has decided to stop telling me what to do and what not to. I hope that we can make it work but at the same time there is a part of me that doesnt want it too. I wish it was that simple that I could just pick one. Stay with him get married take care of his parents and his children or stay single work on becoming healthy healing from the inside out. I know deep down that I cant be with him but I guess a part of me wishes when his parents come he does forget all about me. Its hard to know how to act what to say I'm tired of playing this game. over and over again the same circles never really knowing what I should be saying what I should be feeling because all I know is what I do feel and that is an unsatisfying and unsettling feeling in the pit of my stomach. I hate this I hate telling him something and then changing it. will cont later...